wow. i can't express how over everything i am. i've lost friends over the last few months. i've let some of them go myself because it was time. i've been over the way vanessa karazsia has been acting for a long time. all of her drinking and expecting me to be someone i'm not. she has always expected me to be just like her, outgoing, wanting to be out and about with a ton of people all the time. and that's not who i am or who i have ever been. it's really frustrating for me. so i've had to stop hanging out with her. i found that whenever i was with her i became more upset and annoyed than i had fun. so i haven't been hanging out with her and that obviously is confusing her. she just doesn't think anything is wrong. she thinks she's been the perfect most amazing friend. but to be honest, this has been a one way relationship for a long time. it's been me asking her to hang out, not her asking me to hang out and i'm tired of it. so i stopped hanging out with her, i stopped making an effort to be her friend.
then theres blake buska. lately he has just been attacking everything i say and do. i'll make one little comment and it's like he explodes. he hasn't been making an effort to hang out with me either. and honestly it's ok with me. i have no desire to be around someone who doesn't want to be around me or make an effort to be a friend. he blames me for everything when, again, this is a two way street.
i'm not saying that i haven't done anything wrong. yes i could have given in and hang out with a million people all the time, but they weren't giving either. and i feel like i gave a lot more than i took. i'm sure i could have handled things differently but i didn't. i can't go back in time and change anything i did or didn't do. i just don't want anything to do with them.
now krystal baker is defending them. i told her after stagecoach that if she invited me to do something and they were going to be around, to not expect me to come. she knows that i don't want to be around them be she is defending their actions and the way they're treating me.
i'm just over it. i'm over their annoying ways and i'm taking myself out of it.
